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Trans* DOs and DON’Ts

24 April, 2012

I am transsexual . . .

do treat me like you would anyone else.

do respect my name and my pronouns. If it is not clear what my pronouns are you may politely ask. Generally, a trans woman goes by she and a trans man by he.

if you make a mistake with pronouns, do politely apologise and then continue with the conversation.

do not ask me what my birth name was. That is private and a source of anxiety for many trans* people.

do not ask me about any surgeries I may or may not have had. That is the business of the trans* person only.

do not assume things about me. Do not assume I am straight or gay, liberal or conservative, happy or unhappy, married or single. We are all different.

do not assume a trans* person wants to teach you about trans* issues. Some trans* people find this very hard to discuss; others are comfortable answering questions. Everyone has a different comfort level.

do not touch me inappropriately. Some people think it is okay to touch trans* people’s bodies to see if things are real. If you would not touch someone else that way do not touch a trans* person that way.

do not “out” me. Do not tell some else I am trans*. The only person who has the right to reveal if someone is trans* is the trans* person. If you reveal it you could embarrasses them or even put their safety and life at risk.

do not say, “But you are really a man (or woman),” “I still see the man (or woman) in you,” or “You pass really well.” These are very insulting comments and are often used as a way to invalidate that person’s gender identity.

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